Updated: Mar 10, 2020
For the first time in my life I did not have a plan when I drove away, in my RAV4...
As I mentioned earlier, for the first time in my life I did not have a plan when I rented my home, stored my lifelong possessions and drove away.
"I must admit, I had found a great big slice of courage a few years earlier and I ventured out on my own quite a bit. The key difference was this time I had no plan."
To me, this was equal to releasing the white knuckle grip I had on what I told myself was control. I truly letting go in a way I never had known before. In fact, I gave up. I gave up my desperate attempt to control other people, places and things. The things I never had control over. Sure, I had had those angry, “not again” conversations with myself many times, but this was different. I had truly seen that I could not control the situation around me. When I gave up trying, it lent me acceptance. With acceptance, there was a sudden realization of an immense sense of freedom inside me and I could feel it getting bigger. I could not stop thinking, if I really can’t control other people, places and things, then I don’t even have to try. I can simply chose to try to enjoy what feels like the right thing for me, first and foremost, what feels good to or for me.
At first, I thought how sad it is that I had never really felt the freedom to put myself first. But with a shift in my new found perspective, it quickly turned into, “Ooooooooo. Ahhhhhhh. I can do anything I want. I can go anywhere I want. I have up to 6 months to explore wherever I want, however I want. With this awareness, an incredible feeling of hope came over me and I knew I was going to be ok.
As I journeyed along, driving and stopping wherever and whenever I felt so inclined, I never once felt lonely, bored, lost or uncertain. In fact, I felt a new sense of certainty. I knew that all I needed to learn or, maybe become aware of, would simple come to me at the right time. This was the first of many gifts I received along this piece of my journey.
I wish I could convey how drastically different I felt. It’s a sense of clarity. A knowing. With it, a sense of true well-being. Amazing, despite not one condition in my life changing, I felt secure in a way I had not known before. I knew I would have everything I needed along the way. In fact, facing life one 24 hour period at a time and allowing flexible bends in the road, led me to the most amazing women. Each conversation contributed to the development of HerQuest. Thank you to each and every one of you. You offered inspiration, support, encouragement and fun along the way. I am eternally grateful.